seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's great music for shaving your balls
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
