i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
