And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
