At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
