when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
