I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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