hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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