Fine. I'll sleep in my office
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
