We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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