no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
