I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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