i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
