goodnight i made you a song goodbye
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
