So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
