Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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