New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize