i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
