It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
