i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
