I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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