i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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