I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
