its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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