we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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