critical mistake not lubing the nipples
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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