she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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