well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
