i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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