1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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