I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
