he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
