it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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