Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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