the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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