dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
