Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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