Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have grass duct taped all over my body
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
