Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
