Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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