I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
