then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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