Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
