I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
