good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
