we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
