i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
