i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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