I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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