i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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