i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
