Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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