i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
