haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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