KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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