If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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