He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I AM VODKA MAN
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
