in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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