Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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