How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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