and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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