i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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