We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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