Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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