I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
