Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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