My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
