College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
