Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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