took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
