OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
