the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
